Computer Facebook Status

→ Writing. Like. This. Doesn’t. Make. Your. Point. Any. Stronger. It. Makes. It. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma.

→ That awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and you cant figure out which one the music is coming from.

→ People always talk about how “gamers” don`t have a life but actually, when you think about it, they have lots of lives...

→ Dear Internet users, you`re gonna regret not reading me one day, Sincerely, Terms & Condition !

→ YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?

→ Who ever invented the "copy and paste" has saved many hours of my life.

→ TheSpaceButtonDoesn`tWork :-)

→ I changed all my passwords to "incorrect". So my computer just tells me when I forget.

→ The 3 most common lies on the internet: 1. I have read and agree to the terms of service 2. Status: offline. 3. Yes, I am over 18 years old.

→ Dear internet, Please stop being so awesome. Sincerely, I need to sleep.

→ Google turned 12 this year, which means we only have one year left to use it. When it becomes a teenager, it won`t answer anything.

→ You know the economy`s in trouble when America`s main export is tweets.

→ The computer just crashed and erased all the work I didn`t do this morning.

→ Have you noticed that the “lol” symbol looks like a drowning guy? I bet he’s not laughing out
loud.

→ I Have deleted 8.5 gb woth of crap from my laptop, But the damn thing still weighs the same !!

→ Im never having kids, i hear they take 9 months to download!

→ Breaking News. Steve Jobs is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand.

→ No microsoft word, I`m pretty sure I know how to spell my name.

→ *Low battery* Yeah story of my life :|

→ I love Google. It`s like the brain I never got.

→ Some people can`t sleep because they have insomnia. I can`t sleep because I have Internet connection.

→ Everything would be easier if we could Google how a certain person felt about us!

→ I hate it when people go offline when u`re typing!!

→ If Google can`t find it, it doesn`t exist!

→ I`m a sinner. I lie so much about "I have read and agree to the terms of use" on websites :)

→ 1970: What`s a Computer? 1990: Computer`s in school!!? 2000:

→ YOU WANNA ARGUE? BRING IT! I GOT MY CAPS LOCK ON!

→ I remember when Blackberry’s and apple’s were just fruit! :)

→ The ridiculous email addresses you make when your 8 and continue to use.

→ press F13……. like if you laughed ;)

→ I don`t know... Google it !

→ no matter you do on the computer you always end up on facebook.

→ Clicking "home" every 2 minutes to see if anythings changed.

→ "Typewriter" is the longest word, that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard!

→ I remember when i was a kid i went on the computer just to use paint =)

→ I can only type fast on my own keyboard.

→ Typing `lol` when your face shows less expression than a brick.

→ I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I am upto. . .

→ Do not judge a book by its first page. Do not judge a blog by its first post.

→ When we are Not Working, we are Networking!

→ the best April Fools` prank of the year: just try searching for "Helvetica" in Google right now. Go ahead. I`ll wait.

→ Smartphones: The best thing to happen to bathrooms since the newspaper.

→ have you ever had a fly or a small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor??

→ Yelling At A Video Game When You Get Killed

→ Type lol but your face shows less expression then a doornail

→ That awkward moment when you think you are typing something and you look up and there is nothing there!!

→ iMac+iPod+iPhone+iPad= iBroke

→ That awkward moment when someone`s staring at your keyboard while you`re typing your password.

→ That `` HELL YEAH`` moment after you read a text post that exactly tell what you really feel and think.

→ Sometimes when my internet is down, I forget that the rest of my computer still works...

→ News: "Microsoft buys Skype for $8.5 billion"
Bloody fools they could have downloaded it for free...

→ Hey Google.............Why don`t you let me finish what I`m typing before you start guessing after one letter.... Little cocky aren`t we?

→ pause a video on 0 seconds on youtube...press and hold the left arow key then press up arrow key.....enjoy playing snakes..!!:P

→ Facebook asks what I’m thinking. Twitter asks what I’m doing. Foursquare asks where I am. The internet has turned into the F.B.I.

→ I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldn`t have to go downstairs and be disappointed.

→ Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

→ A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer

→ If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer...oh wait, he does.
→
We have all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

→ Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.

→ A computer program will always do what you tell it to, and seldom what you want it to.

→ I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

→ The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

→ My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."

→ I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

→ All the landmarks and millions of beautiful places on Google Earth, and the first thing everyone looks at is their own house

→ I hate waiting for someone to illegally upload so I can illegally download.

→ We have all experienced the pain of watching a slow typer.

→ I'm afraid people can see me through my web cam even though its off.

→ I hate that I always notice a typo when the text is already sending

→ iTunes: I never read and will never read your 55 page terms of use, I will always agree, so stop asking me to reaccept

→ Kinda feels weird when your computer asks if you'd like to continue unprotected....

Auto correct can go straight to He'll

→ I renamed all my files "the world," so everyday when I "save" the world I feel important.

→ "cannot connect to network. try resetting your wireless router" umm ok but what if my router is in my neighbor's house? Should I call him?

→ "Username or Password Incorrect" You couldn't just tell me which one?

→ Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy...you just hoped nobody found out.

→ My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.

→ "You are probably a 30-year old fat drunk dude with nothing better to do than play video games" - An incredibly correct kid on Xbox Live

→ My printer's out of ink. Time to buy a new printer. Seriously it's cheaper.

→ Why does every wireless provider say that they have the best, fastest, most covered 4G network? Someone's lying.

→ Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, "Close Enough."

→ I only check my Voicemail to get rid of that little icon in the screen.

→ I don't take anything you say seriously. You're just an idiot who has internet access.

→ My neighbor's router is unlocked, should I password it for him?

→ note to self: don't set your password reminder as "you should know this"

→ According to WebMD my symptoms mean I died 3 years ago.

→ the internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head

→ Playing songs on shuffle is like Russian roulette for my emotions.

→ Can’t wait to get off work, then I can finally stop staring at this damn computer, and go stare at a different computer.

→ I had a life once. Now I have an internet connection and a Mac book.

→ Go to Google Translate. Set translate from English to Japanese. Type I HATE YOU into the translate box. Then laugh.

→ Dear software makers, when you make me close my browser or reboot my computer after installing something minor, I hate you.

→ I'll use Photoshop when they finally give us a "remove drunkface" tool.

→ There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.

→ I live in constant fear of dropping my iPhone

→ I would get a phone with video chat but everyone I know is ugly.

→ Don't make me use UPPERCASE.

→ Sometimes life just needs a good, hard CTRL ALT DELETE.

→ Save as: "fjhdsk" ... The file "fjhdsk" already exists ... "fjhdsk 2".

→ You can go pretty much go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

→ I'm about to like all over the place

→ I wish guys were like Chatroulette and you could just click "Next" to get to a good one

→ If I call you and you don't answer, I will sing on your voicemail.

→ They really need to add a “download this song illegally” button on Pandora.

→ The Windows Update reminder to restart your computer is like a little kid. You tell it that you'll restart later, so it goes away, then it pops up again in two minutes and says "Ok, it's later!".

→ How come whenever I tell someone I play guitar, they challenge me to Guitar Hero? I have never challenged a veteran to Call of Duty.

→ Where do all the characters go that you type on the keyboard before you realize the cursor isn't in the box?

→ An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

→ If your password is your name, you deserve to be hacked.

→ Spitting beer on someone is not a pick up line, trust me.

→ My internet is so slow, it would be faster to just drive to Google's headquarters and ask them this shit in person.

→ Hulu is coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

→ Playing Minesweeper all day in honor of the Chilean mine rescue.

→ I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I'm making a questionable decision for my life.

→ If you're bored creating your PowerPoint presentation, everyone else will be bored when you present it.

→ I just wrote a Wikipedia article about your Mom.

Read More

Girls Facebook Status

→ Women are like google you just want one answer but u always end up getting a million other u don`t want. :P

→ A woman will always forgive & forget.. But she`ll never let u forget that she had forgiven & forgotten..

→ A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s. She changes it more often.

→ A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. ;-)

→ Women are completely defenseless..... until the nailpolish is dry. :D

→ A woman can become dangerous for man in two cases: when he doesn`t satisfy her, and when he satisfies her.

→ It`s a girl`s world....guys just live in it..!!!

→ He taught me housekeeping. When we divorced, I keep the house.

→ A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new one.

→ Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

→ Just because you were happy with him, doesn`t mean you can`t be happy without him.

→ A real man doesn`t love a million girls, he loves one girl in a million ways ♥

→ You`re gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul. So don`t come back for me. Don`t come back at all.

→ A man can love a million woman, but it takes a real man to love a woman in million ways.. :)

→ Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

→ Dear Lord: I pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods, because, Lord, if I pray for strength ill beat him to death. AMEN

→ Box of Tampax ---- $8
Bottle of Midol -----$6
New Sweatpants --$12
The fact that the male Walmart cashier wouldn`t even look me in the eye, like I might eat his soul or something... $PRICELESS$ Best first day of my period, EVER!!!

→ Girl you`re so plastic, you could be recycled.

→ Guys, you must know that if a girl loved you then, chances are she still loves you now.

→ Girls, when a friend is drunk, never allow her to dial, drive or leave with a random guy (:

→ I hate texting you first, because it feels like I`m annoying you.

→ The hardest guy to get over is the one you never had.

→ Girls give & forgive. Boys get & forget.

→ Guy: "Hey girl, what`s your sexy name?" Girl: "Taken!"

→ The best accessory a girl can own is confidence.

→ A man`s kiss is his signature.

→ Behind every girl and boy with trust issues is an ex who caused them .

→ Boys are like stars, there are millions of them out there, but only one can make your dreams come true.

→ All girls want is someone special to want them back

→ I’m a girl. I overreact. I underestimate. I overestimate. I over think everything. I dream big. And when I say I love you, I’m not lying.

→ I`m a girl. I can be complicated without explanations.

→ Go shopping. There is nothing that makes a woman feel better about herself than buying a new wardrobe.

→ 3 things that I want in a relationship: Eyes that won`t cry, Lips that won`t lie, and Love that won`t die!

→ 3 Main Reasons A girl Will Stop texting back:
1) You said something that pissed her off
2) YOu just started 2 get boring
3) She just fell asleep.

→ Behind every succesful man there is a women;so dont waste time in studies .....just find a women

→ Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and each other. If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked.

→ The best boyfriend isn’t the best looking, funniest, or the richest. It’s the 1 who`ll make u feel gorgeous, hilarious, & loves u best.

→ Girls.. If people talk behind your back, it simply means you are several steps ahead of them. Keep going!

→ I look like YES and you look like NO

→ Girls never mind staying up a bit longer just to talk to a guy they love :)

→ Why do guys cheat on PRETTY girls with UGLY girls?

→ I never believed any guy that told me I was beautiful. Thats when you came along and changed that <3 I love you :

→ I wasn`t born a princess, but if the crown fits... :) ♥

→ FBI: Find Boys Immediately ;)

→ Awe that`s cute, how many OTHER girls did you say that too?

→ If a girl admits that she likes you, know that it took her every ounce of courage she has. Don`t take her for granted.

→ If someone smells good, yes it does make them 10x more attractive.

→ You are the boy, and I am the girl. You text me first or we`re not going to talk today.

→ Dear boy, our small and silly conversation means more to me than you`ll ever know.

→ When you can`t appreciate a woman when she is doing her best for you, then do not expect her to be there in your time of need.

→ Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laughs I’m falling apart. Look at me closely and you will see: The girl I am just isn’t me.

→ If you want me, then show it. I`m not going to wait for you for my entire life.

→ Boy, you`ve got me like Nemo, lost.

→ Saying that I`m fat in front of people just to hear that I`m not fat.

→ You remind me of my next boyfriend.

→ Sometimes I wish I was a little girl again, because bruised knees heal faster than broken hearts.

→ Girls, you will start to get hurt the moment you start to care!

→ The worst thing a guy can do is make a girl fall for him with no intentions of catching her

→ Dear Girls, Always remember The charming ones are just better liars.

→ I heard you are good in Algebra. Can you substitute my X without asking Y???

→ I blame Disney for my high expectations of boys!

→ You don`t always have to kiss a lot of frogs to recognize a Prince when you find one.

→ I like when boys text you first and say "Good morning"

→ Every girl needs someone to make her laugh, even if she thinks she will never smile again

→ Women need a reason to cheat, men just need another women...

→ Dear hair, if you just cooperated in the first place we wouldn`t have to do this the hard way. sincerely, girl with a flat iron

→ If a guy really loves a girl, the one and only thing he wanna change is her Last Name.

→ I need no reason to love you, but I need thousands of reasons to leave you.

→ Every girl deserves that one guy to make her smile and forget she ever had a broken heart.

→ The man of my dreams is never around when I`m awake.

→ Dear periods, you are the true definition of "bloody hell." Sincerely, women.

→ Girls, rather than choose a guy who kind only to you, choose a guy who kind to everyone ♥

→ That awkward moment when the guy you like doesn`t reply to your text and you feel like jumping off the top of a building.

→ Ladies be careful.. A player might take an occasional timeout, be he`ll always return to the game!

→ When a girl says "have fun" to a boy, It normally means: "Have a freakin` horrible time."

→ Sometimes I`m an angel, sometimes I`m cruel. But when it comes to love I`m just another fool.

→ The right person will love all the things about you that the wrong person took for granted.

→ A real woman doesn`t count how many guys she had in her life, but how many times she resisted guys for the man she really loves.

→ What do you call a guy who makes jokes about girls being in the kitchen? single

→ At first, we pretend not to want their attention and then later we will do anything to get that attention - life of a girl.

→ Don`t be the woman that needs a man; guys take advantage of those people. Be the woman a man needs.

→ treat yourself as a queen, and you`ll attract a king!

→ Some guys are like commercials, you can`t believe a word they say

→ Just because her eyes don’t tear doesn’t mean her heart doesn’t cry....

→ Stop wanting his attention, and watch as he starts wanting yours. Works all the time:) we want what we don`t have.

→ Don`t let his sweet words FOOL you!

→ Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.

→ That feeling after taking off heels.

→ You`re as chocolate, as you always make me feel better.

→ I`m a girl who usually laughs at her mistakes, so excuse me if I laugh in your face.

→ If a girl gets a free drink, it doesn`t mean she`ll be interested in you, it`ll only mean "YAY FREE DRINK!"

→ Boys think of girls just like books. If the cover doesn`t catch their eyes, they won`t even bother to read what`s inside.

→ If you choose between two guys, always pick the second one; If you really loved the first one, you would have never thought of the second one.

→ A girl`s smile hides thousand words, a girl`s tears hides thousand feelings.

→ I`m jealous of every girl that has ever hugged you, cause for one moment, they hugged my entire world.

→ You know it`s almost summer; when you have to shave your legs almost every day because you`re wearing shorts.

→ Nothing sexier than a girl that knows how to take control.

→ Guys get jealous just from seeing pictures of you and another guy anywhere ladies.

→ Boys have selective hearing. They really only hear what they want to hear.

→ Ladies.. Let no past relationship ruin your love life. Remember: "Love will only fail when you fail to love!" Keep moving!

→ If he doesn`t love you at your worst If he doesn’t love you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best

→ She can talk about him all day but when he`s actually around she`s speechless

→ Every girl has that special boy she`ll never forget about.

→ I like being the girl nobody can have.

→ Admit it : We all wish we cud take our tummy fat And glue it to our boobs

→ Nice guys are found at every corner of the earth...too bad the earth is round.

→ Talking with your best friends about boys who you have crushes on.

→ If you leave without a reason, Don`t come back with an excuse.

→ Behind every hurt, sad, depressed girl who has no trust for guys is the dirt bag that made her that way.

→ Every girl has her bestfriend, her boyfriend, and her love. If she`s lucky, they`re all the same person.

→ Girls are like bluetooth, they are connected to you when you are around and when you are gone they find new ones but boys are like wifi, they are connected to different devices.

→ Ever since I met you, it hasn`t been the same. All you got me doing is drawing hearts around your name.

→ Do not cheat on a girl. We girls talk, we WILL know, and we WILL find out, and we WILL dump you.

→ I would love to see the "pretty girls" in my school remove their make up.

→ If you want me, show me. If you need me, tell me. If you have me, show me off. If I`m worth it, fight for me

→ Find someone who isn`t afraid to admit that they miss you. Someone who knows you`re not perfect, but treats you as if you are

→ Real Men don’t love the most beautiful girl in the world, they love the girl who can make their world the most beautiful.

→ I`d rather hear a guy say "I made plans for us," instead of the usual "I dunno, it`s whatever you wanna do."

→ I just want a guy to say this to me when I`m in a situation "Don`t be afraid. I`m here."

→ Last year I didn`t even know his name. But this year? I write it more then my own

→ A good friend once told me, "Don`t be a woman who needs a man," "be a woman a man needs!"

→ Guys have no idea how long something they said can stay in a girls head

→ Don`t hold my hand if you aren`t willing to take everything that comes with it

→ They`re called "skinny jeans" not "make you skinny jeans".

→ When a girl says, "I`m done," it really means, "fight for me."

→ A real woman avoids drama, she knows her time is precious and she`s not wasting it on unimportant people or things.

→ Boys are players; that`s a known fact; don`t get mad at them; just play them back.

→ I miss you, but I`m not going to text you first, because I want to see if you miss me more.

→ Sometimes the girl who`s always been there for everyone else, needs someone to be there for her.

→ No girl should ever forget that she doesn`t need someone, who doesn`t need her.

→ No one has the right to judge you. They might have heard the stories, but they didn`t feel what you felt in your heart.

→ Dear ladies.. All men with money aren`t smart. Sometimes a man`s money grows, but he doesn`t.

→ I wonder if Mr. Right exists. I`ve already met Mr. Player, Mr. Psycho, Mr. Lazy, Mr. User and Mr. Know it all.

→ Men are like a deck of cards. You`ll find the occasional king, but most are jacks:

→ The best feeling in the world is when you are about to look at him but realize that he is already staring at you.

→ As my boyfriend, you have an amazing taste in girls ;)

→ I’d love to see myself from a boy’s perspective.

→ Google must be a woman, it knows everything.

→ Every girl who looks happy with all those smiles and endless laughter, there’s this guy who made her so good at pretending.

→ He`s the kind of guy who makes you love your name just because he says it.

→ Never let a girl think she has a chance when you know she doesn`t.

→ You can`t turn a bad girl good. But once a good girl`s gone bad, she`s gone forever.

→ The awkward moment when your boyfriend`s hair is so much better than yours

→ A woman should know how to look like a girl, how to act like a lady, how to think like a man.

→ A real woman doesn't count how many guys she had in her life, but how many times she resisted guys for the man she really loves.

→ I don`t want to be your "favorite" or your "best". I want to be your "only", and f*ck the rest.

→ Call a girl pretty and she will remember it for 5 minutes. Call a girl ugly and she will remember it forever.

→ I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

→ Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

→ Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.

→ Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

→ How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

→ Hurricanes are like women: when they come, they're wet and wild, but when they leave they take your house and car.

→ To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.

→ Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

→ Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who's free for the weekend.

→ Most women don't know where to look when they're eating a banana.

→ The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

→ I think my girlfriend's hallucinating. She keeps telling me she's seeing other people.

→ At the beginning of a relationship, I wonder if women rub their hands together and say "Let the games begin!"

→ When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.

→ Women live longer than men because typically women don't get married to women.

→ (Glass breaks) woman: I think someones breaking in! Man: I'll take care of this (grabs a toilet brush) Woman: A toilet brush? What are you going to do scrub him to death? Man: Would you want to be touched with this?

→ When the Spice Girls chose their "Spicy" alter-ego nicknames, the girl with the biggest boobs should have chosen to go by Spice Rack

→ Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly...on a broomstick. We're flexible that way.

→ If you're on the show "16 and Pregnant" you have a pretty good chance of being on the follow-up show "32 and a Grandmother"

→ Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession

→ I saw an elderly women wearing a "Guess" sweatshirt the other day so I said ...82?? She didnt smile

→ I cheated on my fears, broke up with my doubts, got engaged to my faith and now I'm marrying my dreams

→ If a girl destroys your house, keys your car, and tries to get you arrested, its not love. She's crazy

→ Why is it that all females have an attraction towards a stripper pole ?? Its like a magnet !!

→ Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don't want her to meet her competition right away

→ I borrowed my wife’s GPS. All it’s doing is yelling at me to slow down.

→ Always believe a woman when she says: “You don’t want to know!”

→ If men can go around joggin shirtless... I believe "SOME" women should be able to do the same as well!

→ A woman rarely discards one lover until she is sure of another.

→ Got my hair done again. I’m so blonde now I can barely spell my last name.

→ Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.

→ smiling is the best makeup a girl can wear

→ What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? I stare, I smile & when I get tired, I put the mirror down.

→ This body was built for neither speed nor comfort. But it idles well

→ Girls make as much sense as the ingredients in Four Loko.

→ Nothing warms a woman's heart more than a man revealing his.

→ You show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.

→ If a girl compliments your dress, then you're wearing a pretty dress. If a guy compliments your dress, then you're wearing a slutty dress

Read More

Most Liked Facebook Status

→ Don't underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers

→ I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. It's nothing personal, but some people need to realize that sometimes I don't feel like talking.

→ That awkward moment when the dentist asks you a question while their whole hand is shoved in your mouth.

→ Oh so now I'm invisible to you? That's cool. I've always wanted a superpower.

→ The awkward moment when you open a birthday card and there's no money in it.

→ Just realized: "Google before you status update" is the new "think before you speak."

→ Does anyone really "Laugh Out Loud" when they write LOL?

→ People who gossip with you, most likely gossip about you.

→ If anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it is equally awkward for both of us.

→ No one can promise they'll never hurt you, because at one time or another they will. The real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end.

→ It doesn't matter what other people think about you. The only thing that matters is that you are happy with who you are.

→ Why cant they make the whole week out of Saturdays?

→ The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift...thats why they call it the "present"!

→ There will be always that one teacher asking you a question and your friend next to you whispering the answer.

→ Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should & let go of what you can't change.

→ Your life is a book; don’t jump to the end to see if it’s worth it. Just enjoy life and fill those pages with beautiful memories.

→ That awkward moment when you get tagged in a photo on a night, at a place that you said you weren't...

→ ♥ Love me now ♥ Love me never ♥ But if You Love Me ♥ Love me Forever ♥

→ You wanna know who's amazing & has the cutest smile ever? Read the first word again :)

→ ┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to addiction

→ That awkward moment when you don't know if you should hold the door for someone or not.

→ The awkward moment when someone brings up an embarrassing moment from your past that you do not wish to be reminded of.

→ LIKE IF: You sat down to check Facebook real quick and...an hour later, you're still here.

→ The fact that music can induce goosebumps, draw a tear, inspire, and connect is one of my favorite parts of being a human.

→ The awkward moment when you think you're talking to your friend but then realize you're talking to a stranger beside you.

→ True: This is just Facebook, and not English class, but Damn can some of y'all at least type so we can understand what you're trying to say?

→ Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.

→ I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he'll never have any friends.

→ My teacher always is talking to her imaginary friend named "Class".

→ Dear Facebook, I can't believe you still haven't gotten that dislike button. Sincerely, YouTube.

→ Being single doesn't mean you know nothing about love. Sometimes, its wiser to be alone than with the wrong person.

→ I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-ass".

→ Unwritten Facebook rule #5 : If that person isn’t in the photo, don’t tag them.

→ They're called "skinny jeans" not "make you skinny jeans".

→ Going to: ❒ Paris ❒ New York ❒ London ✔ KITCHEN, I'm hungry.

→ The awkward moment when halfway through telling a story you realize it is pointless.

→ That awkward moment when your mother compares you to another kid and she has no idea how much worse they are than you.

→ Why do they try to make pet food in TV commercials look good to humans?

→ A boy gave a girl 13 roses, 12 were real, one was fake,then the boy said to the girl, I will love you till the last rose dies.

→ Perfect people aren't real, and real people aren't perfect. So you can either love people for their flaws, or hate them because they're real.

→ Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having.

→ That awkward moment after you pour your cereal into the bowl thinking you have milk... only to realize you don't have milk at all.

→ What Is FACEBOOK ? . . . . It's a place where a Guy posts a joke, he gets No Response... and if a Girl posts the same Joke, She gets 150 Likes, 300 Comments & 60 Friends Requests.

→ My alarm clock is jealous of the relationship I have with my bed. It always try to wake me up!

→ Facebook = Heavily populated city. Twitter = Just a vacation spot. Myspace = A ghost town.

→ 3 words, 8 letters, 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, 1 emotion, many meanings, a big lie, a rare truth: I LOVE YOU !

→ Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting deleted.

→ I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I'm alive. I'm human, I'm not perfect but I'm thankful.

→ Dear iTunes, Please realize that when I put you on "shuffle", I mean "play all of my favorite songs". Sincerely, skip... skip... skip...

→ Facebook should get a "I don't even know you" button, for the people who like to try to add people they don`t know.

→ Don't leave something good to see if you can find better, because once you realize you had the best, the best found better.

→ I'm not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat... :D

→ The awkward moment when you get into one little fight and your mum gets scared and makes you move in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-air.

→ Boys insult each other, but they really don't mean it. Girls compliment each other but they don't mean it either.

→ That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and you end up walking in the same direction.

The best 2 days of school are always the first and the last.

→ ▶Music♩♪♫♬ Volume: ▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ █ 100 %

→ That Awkward Moment When your crush asks you, “Who do you like?”

→ If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

→ That awkward moment, where theres an awkward moment, and everyone knows it's an awkward moment, then somebody says, "AWWWKKKKWAAARRDD!"

→ That awkward moment when you have to make up an excuse to not hang out with someone because you'd rather chill at home.

→ Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.

→ That awkward moment when someone isn't txting you back and then you see them update their status from mobile...

→ The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve...

→ That awkward moment when someone you don't know adds you on Facebook and they message you asking who you are. B*tch, you added me!

→ I think i have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.

→ The awkward moment when you understand something after the test.

→ People think I'm in a bad mood just because I'm being quiet.

→ I am NOT single, and I am NOT taken. I'm simply on reserve for the one who REALLY deserves to have my heart..

→ I don't make typos. I make new words.

→ I hate when its quiet and your eating something crunchy.

→ Most relationships fail not because of absence of love; but because girls love too much & boys love too many.

→ The awkward moment when you're singing really loudly to a song and then someone changes it without warning.

→ Don't feel special I only keep your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.

→ That awkward moment when you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious!

→ Morning Routine: 1. Wake Up 2. Check phone for messages 3. Check Facebook for any notifications.

→ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ Sorry, I just dropped my bag of Doritos.

→ The awkward moment when someone walks in on you singing to yourself.

→ I like talking to myself, answering myself, and laughing at my own jokes.

→ That awkward moment when sarcasm doesn’t work in a text..

→ The awkward moment when you're late for class, and when you walk in, everyone stares at you like you killed someone.

→ "Who's that?" "What are they doing?" "What's happening?" ; "Shut the hell up and watch the movie".

→ LIKE if you always wonder if someone, somewhere is doing the same exact thing as you are.

→ LIKE if you do this: Waking up and checking your Facebook like its the morning paper.

→ LIKE IF:Losing your phone in your blanket, then having to throw the blanket around until it falls out.

→ "Dad I'm hungry." "Nice to meet you hungry!" "Dad, I'm serious..." "I thought you were hungry?" "Are you kidding?!" "No, I'm Dad."

→ Today I went on thesaurus.com & searched “ninjas”. The computer told me “Ninjas cannot be found”. Well played, ninjas, well played.

→ The awkward moment when someone says something to you for the fifth time and you still don’t know what they said.

→ Dear Heart, Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that's it.

→ I turned my phone onto "Airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.

→ "LOL" is the new way of saying "I really have nothing to say."

→ People think I'm in a bad mood just because I'm being quiet.

→ The awkward moment when someone catches you staring at them.

→ That awkward moment when someone spells your name wrong on Facebook even though your name is RIGHT THERE!

→ That awkward moment when your dancing, then you turn around & you realize someone has been watching you the WHOLE time.

→ The awkward moment when the person you like is online and you just open the chat window but don't know what to say.

→ Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.

→ When someone smells nice, it automatically makes them more attractive.

→ LIKE IF you put things in a safe place and then forget where the safe place is ツ

→ Did you know? Its impossible to say "Good Eye Might" without sounding Australian? LIKE if you tried :)

→ LIKE if you have like 50 t-shirts but you only wear 7 of them and complain that you have no clothes...

→ The awkward moment when you're at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at so you just stand there and pet the dog.

→ That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow...

→ The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.

→ Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

→ Hey, I found your Nose, it was in my business again.

→ The awkward moment when you check the price tag… and sadly, go away.

→ Dear life. When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.

→ fri(END] , boyfri(END] , girlfri(END] Everything has an END , exept for fam(ILY] .

→ Pick a number, double it, add 10, divide it by 2, then minus it by the number you started with. LIKE if you got 5.

→ Just because I don't talk to you, or text you first, doesn't mean I don't miss you. I'm just waiting for you to miss me.

→ The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.

→ Yea, I end a Facebook conversation by hitting the (LIKE) button on the last comment.

→ 3 things I want in a relationship: Eyes that wont cry, lips than wont lie, and love that wont die. ♥

→ LIKE if you hate when someone tags you in a horrible picture.

→ That awkward moment when you can't stop laughing while telling a joke and when your finally done your friends doesn't even get it.

→ The awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus.

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Best Facebook Status

1. Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
2. Facebook account for sale, Friends included.
3. Google just called… Google said, “Someone is looking for you”
4. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
5. Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
6. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
7. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
8. The longer the title the less important the job.
9. Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
10. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
11. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
14. The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
15. Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
16. Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
17. I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?
18. No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
19. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
20. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
21. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
22. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
23. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
24. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
25. A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
26. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
27. If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
28. Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
29. The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
30. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
31. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
32. Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
33. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
34. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
35. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
36. We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.
37. I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
38. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
39. A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
40. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
41. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
42. We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
43. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
44. I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
45. When in doubt, mumble.
46. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
47. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
48. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
49. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
50. Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
51. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
52. Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.
53. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
54. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
55. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
56. Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
57. If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
58. After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!
59. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
60. Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
61. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
62. The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
63. Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.
64. Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
65. They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
66. If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
67. By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
68. We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
69. Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
70. I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
71. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
72. I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
73. Google Maps really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
74. Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it craps on your head.
75. Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
76. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
77. Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.
78. Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters!
79. I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”
80. There are no winners in life…only survivors.
81. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
82. Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
83. The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
84. I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
85. The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
86. There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
87. I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
88. We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
89. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
90. If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
91. How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
92. I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
93. To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
94. Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
95. Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
96. Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
97. The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
98. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
99. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
100. Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

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Men Facebook Status

→ Why isn`t there some cheap and easy way to prove how much she means to me?

→ Wouldn`t it be good if Ctrl+Alt+Del worked for ex girlfriend

→ I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U has eight letters, but baby, so does B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T...

→ Men want the same thing from our underwear that we want from women: A little bit of support, and a bit of freedom and no shit.

→ was just called a "Big Boy"... She obviously has X-Ray vision...

→ Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

→ it`s Very easy to sacrifice for a girl , but it`s difficult to find a girl deserve sacrificing

→ If more males would stand up and be men, then more females would sit down and be ladies

→ Behind every great woman,there is a guy looking at her ass :D

→ I`ve just moved you to the top of my " To do list" ;)

→ "If more males would stand up and be men, then more females would sit down and be ladies"

→ You like sleeping? Me too! We should do it together sometime.

→ Sometimes I wish you could understand what I feel through the way I look at you that I never had guts to say.

→ I`m single - you`re going to have to be pretty amazing to change that.

→ "I`ll bite you!" "No, you won`t!" *Bite* "AAGGHH! You bit me!" "I did warn you..."

→ there is no such thing as a good girl. A good girl is just a bad girl who hasn`t been caught yet .

→ Today I came across a book that said "All the things men know about woman", it was blank inside.

→ When your single, you see all the happy couples, when your in a relationship, you see the happy single`s

→ Boys like blondes. Men like brunettes.

→ If women think they aren`t meant to cook, then why do they have milk and eggs inside them?

→ Why`s NASA never sent a woman to the Moon? Because it doesn`t need cleaning yet.

→ part of me thinks I should clean the house, The other part thinks I should settle down and get a wife...

→ Once a man asked a fairy to make him irresistible to all women..
The fairy turned him into a credit card.. ;)

→ Girls find out everything. I advise you to not lie to them.

→ "Is that your ex?" "No, that`s the biggest mistake of my life."

→ A true Girlfriend wouldn`t ask her boyfriend to throw away his Xbox, she`d sit by him trying to learn it!

→ When guys get jealous, it’s actually kinda cute. When girls get jealous, World War III is about to start!

→ If she`s dumb enough to walk away, Be smart enough to let her go!

→ Don`t you hate it when...a really hot girl on Facebook has only 5 pictures!!!

→ My wife said "Honey, take me someplace expensive." I took her to the gas station!

→ A smile is the best make up any girl could wear :)

→ Girls are like phones. they love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you`ll be disconnected!

→ Set me free. Leave me be. I don`t wanna fall another moment into your gravity.

→ Never underestimate the power of a woman.

→ When a girl says "whatever", she really means; I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark,and then eaten by it.

→ The secret of being a great man = having a great woman who supports you all the time!

→ Men are all alike - except the one you`ve met who`s different..

→ Guys, when you`re with your girl, focus on her. Never stare at other girls.

→ Girls find out everything... so I suggest you tell them the truth. (:

→ I hate when girls take ugly pictures and tag people in them.

→ Treat your girl right, or someone else will.

→ She acts like summer and walks like rain.

→ Best line which help you save money when going on restaurents with your girlfriend - So what`s you gonna eat Fatty ??

→ When a person is really into you, he or she will always find a way to have time with you.. NO EXCUSES.

→ There are two kinds of secrets: 1. Those we keep from others. 2. Those we hide from ourselves.

→ When a girl cancels a date she cancels it because she has to...But when an boy cancels a date he cancels it because he has two.

→ Worlds Shortest Joke: 2 women were sitting quietly...

→ Girls biggest lie: I`m OK.

→ The Awkward Moment... When a girl sees a shirt, and decides to wear it as a dress.

→ When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there`s a reason :)

→ I hate to tell you, but girl, you`re faker than Monopoly money...

→ Dear Girls, remember catching a husband is an art; to hold him is a job.

→ Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age, but will kill you if you forget their birthday`s :-)

→ Guys: When she`s not yours, you`ll do everything you can to get her. But when you do have her, you take everything for granted.

→ If a girl is shopping she`s trendy, if boy is shopping he`s wasting money.

→ one day you`ll realize...all the love that i gave to you...is now being given to someone else

→ Treat her with respect. Accept her for who she is. Make her feel safe and protected. Be her best friend.

→ I`m a boy. I don`t smoke, drink, or party every weekend. I don`t sleep around or start drama to get attention. Yes, we still do exist.

→ Girls, being beautiful doesn’t make you nice. Being nice makes you beautiful!

→ A female can be your best friend, worst enemy, or your worst nightmare...It all depends on how you treat her!

→ Any boy can make a PROMISE, but it takes a MAN TO KEEP ONE.

→ Three words a boyfriend will never heard from his girlfriend -"You Are Right"

→ a man is never careful until he buys a new car and a white shirt.

→ Never underestimate a girl`s ability to find things out.

→ 3 dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks.To be as rich as his child believes.To have as many women as his wife suspects

→ Some words of advice to men: Treat women the same way you would want your daughter to be treated.

→ When girls get jealous, it`s normal. But, when boys get jealous, lucky the girl he loves.

→ I honestly think that women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.

→ A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that , is the beginning of a new argument.

→ Some women are terribly hard to please, ... . . . . . the rest are Impossible

→ You are too beautiful to be crying over that jerk!

→ Girls are like butterflies, they are so pretty and beautiful to look at, but really hard to catch.

→ My girlfriend says that I treat her like a child, So I gave her a sticker for standing up for her self.

→ It`s not easy putting on a fake smile... Yet she`s a pro at it.

→ Don`t take too much time to text her back.. It makes her feel you`re talking to someone more important than her.

→ Girls Are Like Police. Once They Get Hold Of All The Evidences, They Still Want To Hear The Truth From You.

→ Words that spoiled many boys` life . . . .... . "Dude she`s looking at you."

→ Make your girlfriend happy by telling those 3 words every women loves to hear " Here`s my Wallet"

→ A boy makes his girl jealous of other women. A gentleman makes other women jealous of his girl.

→ If a girl cries, there may be thousand reasons. But if a boy cries, there is only one reason: “GIRL”

→ Dude, if she worries about you, she cares. But when she stops caring, that`s when you should be worried.

→ Dude, if she worries about you, she cares. But when she stops caring, that`s when you should be worried.

→ You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'. Need I say more?

→ Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

→ Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.

→ You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

→ I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

→ Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

→ If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

→ I hope I'm the last guy on earth -- I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.

→ Men are like mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

→ There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

→ Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.

→ If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

→ If all men are the same, why do women take so long to choose one ?

→ Men are like parking spots , all the good ones are taken and the ones left ain't worth a damn

→ At my age, actions creak louder than words.

→ Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.

→ I LOOK SO GOOD I JUST CONGRATULATED MYSELF IN THE MIRROR!

→ I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

→ If a man is alone in the forest, and he says something, and there's no woman there to disagree with him. Is he still wrong?

→ I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

→ Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.

→ Isn't this the guy that slept with your wife?

→ How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

→ It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man

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